I've been down this road reminiscing "my last time in my parents' house" before just prior to moving down South. In fact it was two years ago today that my dad and uncle departed to come down and move me back to Michigan. However, this "last month" feels a little different and I think because the distance of the move is only a mere 10 minutes and two miles vs. 12 hours and 900 miles. Annnnnd there is a new title coming with this move: WIFE. That one four letter word holds so much weight and responsibility behind it. For months Rick and I have looked forward to the lifestyle of a married couple: creating our schedule for dinners, house chores, comings and goings, and I think we're both especially looking forward to not having to say "goodnight" and "goodbye" in the same sentence. But perhaps what I am most looking forward to is upgrading from sharing my twin size bed with Tybee to sharing a queen size bed with him ;). Still, I know December will hold a massive adjustment period. Actually saying the phrase, "The wedding is next month," forces the gravity of this adjustment to be considered.
Recently, we've past the point I was probably the most afraid of in the wedding process and honestly, I didn't even notice. When Rick proposed and we were in the early stages of wedding planning, I unexpectedly struggled and wrestled with emotions wrapped up in my first engagement. I didn't want to re-plan the same wedding that was attached to a different groom but so many of those elements had me woven all through them. That wedding was a vision I never saw into fruition. For example: my dress. It was an undeniable issue harboring bad mojo. I thought it was my dress; completely unattached to that event. Boy, was I wrong! So it really was no surprise to anyone when I decided to purchase a new one. A decision I never regretted (I cannot wait to wear the dress!). So when I was jilted to the fact that I had unresolved emotion to planning a new wedding, I became aware to the potential that I might panic at mailing invitations or surpassing the 40 day mark. Both were centered on when my first engagement collapsed. But never once did I ever question Richard. Even when we were dating I have had no doubt of his love and devotion for me. I used to get angry over the fact that I went through the process of planning a wedding once before and try as I might not to compare the two, it felt inevitable. When it comes to my first relationship I felt I was divorced before I was even married. I know all of it was no surprise to God and my only response should be gratitude for walking me through and pulling me out of it. Because of that rocky relationship, I recognize and treasure Richard so much more. I'm not easy to love at times but he has never wavered. Most of the time he's smiling when I'm walking through a dark patch. And he has held me and let me cry when the wrecking ball was released. He truly is the man of my dreams (cue the cheezeballs).
I didn't even notice until weeks after the invitations were out that we had passed that point I was most afraid of. I'm pretty certain I was blanketed in an all-surpassing peace.
So we're down to 37 days...5 weeks! All the details are wrapped up in this final month and I'm to a point where I don't go anywhere or do anything without my wedding planner. Funny, when I moved back home two years ago I made a personal goal to stabilize myself at my parents' house within two years and move out again on my own. God had his own way of holding me to that!
No comments:
Post a Comment