My Favorite Day of the Year

As Dad and I were turning off of our street onto the main road, I pulled out my phone to update my facebook status, "Christmas Eve! My favorite day of the year! Daddy-daughter date to White Castle and last minute shopping around :)"

I love Christmas Eve. I love it more than Christmas day because of the anticipation of what Christmas will bring. The family time, the gifts, the surprises. And I love my traditional date with dad. This year's Christmas Eve gave me another reason to love this day. Dad and I started our annual date at the local flower shop where dad was picking up a holiday table centerpiece for mom, another annual thing. The owners are business friends of mom and dad so naturally we struck up a convo about my transition back home and my puppy and my "new love life" as dad called it. I gave him a healthy slug when he insinuated to an impending wedding.

This year held a new tradition: Christmas time with a new family. After Dad and I returned from our date, Rick and I packed up our gifts and headed out in his mustang to his parents house in Howell. Rick said we needed to make a pit stop however so we needed to leave a little earlier. His mom wanted us to pick up a dress she was having altered. When I suggested we take my car, Rick quickly volunteered to take his. I thought it was a little silly to take his since he's always driving but I wasn't going to argue, you know the price of gas these days...

We got off at the Brighton exit and I soon recognized where were, in downtown Brighton, near the mill pond we had visited this past summer with Tybee and chased ducks around.

I was super suspicious Rick was up to something ever since the previous night when after dinner at Ronin he wanted to walk around downtown Royal Oak but mentioned how silly the city was for not having "pretty lights" out on all the trees for Christmas. We opted for going to Starbucks where I perused the humor section on pinterest sipping my caramel macchiato while he nodded off at the bar after inhaling his frappe. I was ready for bed. I had only slept 2-ish hours that day after slaving away on Santa cupcakes (a pinterest success) and quite frankly, a couple shots of espresso is no match for my insatiable need for sleep. As we were leaving Starbucks he pulled me by my hand to the front of the building and he slipped his other hand into his coat pocket. I deadbolted myself to the ground and told him "No! You don't have the ring!" He giggled it off as we made our way to the car but curiosity struck me so I came in to pat his coat over where he was supposedly going to grab the ring box. I felt nothing. But he would not give up trying to get me to go for a walk that night. When we got home, he kept saying, "There are no pretty lights anywhere, I want to walk around where there are pretty Christmas lights." I admittedly refused, pleading to just go to bed. Now I was real suspicious. Rick never asks that much for me to do something I don't want to do. He even went so far as to say, "It will be worth it." Trying to entice me into going for a walk. He finally gave up when he found me in my bed, lights out, under the covers. He hugged me and said, "Tomorrow is going to be a great day, I'm going to make you really happy."

So now I was pretty certain of what was fast approaching as I scanned the surrounding buildings of the parking lot for an alteration business open on Christmas Eve. I was sitting in the passenger seat cradling a tomato box lid with the Santa cupcakes and deviled eggs, my contributions to Christmas Eve dinner. Rick put the car in park and went to pick the lid up off my lap when I said I would just wait in the car. When he said I had to come in I decided I should just go to save him from coming up with another excuse to get me out of the car. He later told me that he had expected a bigger fight out of me to stay in the car. I trudged cautiously on the ice-y concrete in my 4 inch black heels. As we rounded the corner of one of the buildings I could hear the quacking of the ducks on the pond. I immediately lit up when I saw the poofed-out white and mallard ducks sitting on the ice surface quacking away. I really love ducks. Rick shot way ahead of me to the middle of the bridge while I stopped at the threshold eyeing the un-shoveled bridge waiting for him to get the clue to come and get me so I had something to hang on to. There in the middle of the bridge, in front of an audience of ducks, Rick quickly got down on one knee as he pulled the ring box out of the same pocket it was in the night before, I missed by an inch. "Renay..." as he cracked the box open to peek and make sure he was presenting it right-side-up, "Will you marry me?"

It was so cute and so simple and so perfect and so us. He was so excited to give me the ring he forgot to put it on my finger and then he couldn't wait to get me back to the car to show me my other surprise. While dad and I were enjoying our lunch, Rick and mom were at the flower shop, the same one Dad and I were at just hours before, talking to the shop owners about the proposal and putting together an arrangement for me of colored roses and white hydrangeas, my two favorite flowers. Mom hid it in the backseat  under one of her blue tablecloths. It's a wonder I didn't notice it when I got in, I think I was more astounded by how clean Rick's car all of a sudden was.

We giggled and smiled and I stared at my hand the rest of the way to his parent's house. I couldn't believe we were now officially engaged. That we could start planning the wedding, that I could call him my fiance. When we got to the house, I could feel his mom and sister-in-law burning a hole onto my left hand knowing that the plot the night before had back-fired and not knowing if today was going to succeed or not. His dad patted him on the back and I was warmly welcomed into the Bethke family...officially.

When we returned to my parents' house after church service, mom had that goofy smile on her face so I just held out my hand. I knew they already knew it was coming so I didn't have to introduce or make any announcements. Christmas day, I waited for each of my family members to come over. The ring introduced itself as Kelly asked, "Um, what's that on your left hand?" Boy did a good job picking a sparkly one. :)

Rick's sister-in-law said it best, a year ago last Christmas, no one saw this Christmas coming. I know I certainly didn't see it for me (I thought I was doing really good with the dog). And what a complete difference to share this joy and excitement and anticipation with my family and his. It feels like everyone is on board with this wedding, this union.

Being at the end of 2013 and reflecting on all that has happened: watching Tybee grow, settling into a new and challenging career, developing this relationship with Rick, mending family ties and making up for lost time...we are looking forward to so many new and exciting things to come in 2014. 

So it begins: planning the wedding. Lord willing, dear readers, by next Christmas Eve, I'll be Mrs. Bethke! Stay tuned!

Hindsight is Always 20/20

Of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving—John Fletcher

Last year I resigned from a job I loved where I met my best friend, Miracle and my mentor, Ms. Kay. I left this little town where I established my first independent life and stretched out my wings. And I abandoned this wild idea that I had fallen in love and was gonna spend the rest of my life with this southern gentleman. I moved back in with my parents, occupied 90% of my brother's storage locker, started a new job, adopted a puppy, adventured to Africa, and met a northern (true) gentleman I'm pretty certain I will spend the rest of my life with. So in hindsight, not all of the happenings in the last year were depressing :)

Moving home was more of a challenge than I was anticipating. When I started at Beaumont just a week after moving back, I overestimated my adjustment. It really was just like leaving your small hometown high school you've been in all your life and starting out in the middle of the semester at a new metropolitan school (where do the cool kids sit at lunch?). There certainly were some challenges. I pushed mom beyond her breaking point with my wild mood swings and perpetual depression. On this side of the transition I can clearly say, I did not transition well.

I feel like all this happened so much longer than just a mere year ago. Like Rick, I feel like I've known him all my life instead of meeting him for the first time at BDubs only 7 months ago. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, It's true. He fits in so naturally with my family. We are similar in all the right ways and complement in all our opposites. And of course, there is Tybee. That velvety furball addition to our family that I questioned for weeks, "What have I gotten myself into?" has wiggled-butt his way into an obvious member of our family.

So I've finally achieved one full year at Beaumont. "My sentencing" as a co-worker deemed the hospital policy, is finally up and I am free to consider other options within the hospital. At Beaumont, you are owned by the unit you are hired upon for 12 months. In order to transfer in under 12 months, you require manager approval. I begrudgingly learned of this little tidbit 2 months into my employment. I looked at it this way: as challenging and as unhappy as I was, God placed me on MPCU for a reason. There was something for me to learn on this unit and whatever it was, try as I might to get off of it sooner, I was stuck there until I learned it. So I stopped fighting it and reconciled myself to the notion that I was there for at least a year. If something came up before the end of my 12 months, then it be God's Will to go. But for the time being, I was were I was suppose to be.

Rick and I have been attending a bible study on Sunday nights at our church. One of our lessons focused on a verse mom and dad instilled in me as a young girl. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." It's too easy to read this verse and say what I've just said, that I'm right where God wants me to be, that all I need to do is trust him. But as we dove deeper into what it means to trust him, the lesson asked us to focus on another verse in Hebrews 10:36. It was a lightbulb moment for me:

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

For the past year, I've been enduring these challenges because I believe them to be a part of God's plan for me. And he has been faithful to me. When I read this verse, I realized I need to be patient with his will, to accomplish all that he has planned for me. And he knows my desires, he knew I wanted to live near my family, that I would love and cherish a poodle, and he knows that I want to work in pediatrics, he knows that I desire to raise a family. He is my heavenly father, my provider. I can see how my earthly father loves and cares for me, how much greater does God love me and how awesome and perfect his plan is for me. Nothing about what happened last year was a surprise to him. He orchestrated it all for a purpose. God doesn't have hindsight.

But for me, however, I can clearly see in hindsight that I learned some big lessons and I've walked down some paths that in hindsight I'm glad I walked. And now in foresight, I'm elated to imagine what may be coming. I've fallen in love (yes, dear blog readers) with a fellow yankee and by the grace of God he's looking beyond my "in hindsight" mistakes. I told my sister one night, "Being on this side, in this relationship, I can finally see what love and a true relationship is." So passing this one year mark is a big milestone for me because you know, the first year is always the hardest.

If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God.You'd be a stone. You'd never eat or drink or laugh or get out of bed in the morning. You'd never love anyone, ever again. You'd never dare to. —Margaret Atwood

Daring to embrace the next year...love, Naynay <3

Road Trip!

What a great weekend! Richard and I had this weekend pegged as a "get-away weekend" since before I went to Uganda. I arranged my 3-days-a-week in a purposeful manner and Rick put the request in for time off. We tossed around ideas of going to Traverse City but when I caught sight of a "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" live event in Green Bay on Mark Gungor's facebook page, I struck the brilliant idea of going to Wisconsin instead and visiting Rick's brother and sister-in-law while catching this funny and fun seminar. Then on our way back home, traveling north to Mackinaw City  for a few days.

So Thursday we set out on our wide circle journey to the land of packers and cheese curds. I worked the night before so Rick got the driver's seat while I passed out as soon as we were settled on I-696 and Rick was confident he and the GPS could handle the road. I woke up just as we were driving through Chicago but quickly went under again until we were somewhere in Wisconsin. We stopped in Racine at a mall for some Chick-fil-A deliciousness and to stretch our legs. When we arrived, Jocie was so excited to see Uncle Rickie and I was quickly deemed Aunt Nay. Even though I slept most of the 6-7 hour drive, I was still just as exhausted and glazed over as Rick was from driving. Sleeping in the car with a buff bandanna over your eyes and a seat-belt strap around your neck is not the most conducive to restful sleep. So it was early to bed for us the first night.

On Friday, Robert and Jackie took us to a wildlife preserve just down the road from them. It was the best day ever. There were ducks everywhere. I mean, everywhere. If you know me, you know how crazy in love I am for ducks. A dollar bought me a bag of corn kernels and I got to hand fed Canadian geese and mallard ducks! We also got to pet and hand feed a dear. Obviously not as exciting as the ducks (for me at least). Jocie was a brave little girl feeding all the animals.

 

            

              This expression is worth a thousand words!

                                                                               

Friday night and Saturday morning were the seminar days. I had previously seen the seminar on DVD while I was going to church in Georgia but this was all new info for Rick. We learned about men's brains and women's brains and how we think and act differently based on the way we are hard-wired. I defiantly recommend the seminar.

On Sunday, we continued our journey traveling from Green Bay north up to the UP. That was when we turned into complete tourist. We stopped at nearly every scenic stop taking cheesy pictures of ourselves, propping the camera on railings, tables, wells, rocks, driftwood, anything level enough to sit a camera on and set the timer before running to pose in front of it. We took a lot of pictures. We stopped in Escanaba and walked the pier by the lighthouse and drove through the quaint little town. Later that night Rick introduced me to the movie, "Escanaba in da Moonlight" with Jeff Daniels and we laughed as we saw buildings and intersections we drove through earlier that day. Most I can say about that flick is that it was quite an interesting movie...

This was the view from a rest stop in the upper peninsula. How many rest stops have this view?

We arrived at the Mackinaw Bridge around 5, paid the toll, and drove across to the Mitten. First time driving across the bridge, it was less exciting that I was making it out to be. We had dinner at a local Mom n' Pop restaurant and decided to pick up some popcorn for that night in the hotel room since we had a microwave (I never remember to pack that stuff). But the nearest Walmart was 30 minutes away in Cheboygan. The city my grandparents lived in, my "up North" growing up. I can't even remember how long it's been since I was in Cheboygan. It was depressing yet comical to discover our microwave was less than powerful enough to pop even half of the bag of popcorn (and burn the half that it did pop) as we watched Escanaba in da Moonlight (seriously, it's call "in da Moonlight").

Monday we got up to one of the best continental breakfasts I've ever had. This was no "muffin and cereal" spread. There were scrambled eggs, sausage gravy, biscuits, sausage links, cinnamon rolls, cereals, muffins, and even hot sauce packets. Frank's hot sauce! So good! We then headed out to the little downtown to shop all the tourist trap shops. It was so quite, almost "ghost-town" as you could tell the prime season was over. We were one of a handful of groups of people in town so we had great parking and no crowds. We quickly decided we want to return when the weather is nice and visit Mackinaw Island. We bought 6 different flavors of fudge, did a wine tasting, bought 4 bottles of wine, I found a pair of moccasins, and fell in love with a cute winter hat. That evening we wanted to walk the shoreline of the lake. The freezing rain wasn't stopping us! At one point, Rick was determined to get to the end of the pier, we were soaked and frozen running back to the car! I packed gloves and a scarf but I don't think either one of us was really adequately prepared for winter on Lake Michigan!

Tuesday, after our amazing continental breakfast, we hit up Starbucks (can't miss a Starbucks opportunity) and then one more look over the lake. We set off for the little beach area overlooking the bridge. It was clearer that morning but certainly not warmer! Poor Rick's fingers were bright red as I scoped for level props to pin up the camera on. He is so patient with me.

Like all time off, we didn't want to see the weekend end but now being on this side of the trip, I can clearly see it was so much needed. I really enjoyed the time with Rick's siblings and then our two days together in Mackinaw. Just being goofy together, running around in the freezing rain, making spontaneous trips to Walmarts, stopping every 15 minutes for another photo opportunity (that looks the same as the stop before). I even feel better at work. Like a reset button was pushed. Like I said, the trip was so much needed.

 As we closed our eyes to sleep Tuesday night we both noted that we could see the lake from earlier that morning. Some things get in your blood. Mackinaw may have gotten in ours.

The High Notes

Where do I even begin? How do you start to describe a two week long adventure with so many facets, experiences, and life-changing realizations? Hence why it’s taken me nearly two weeks to sit down and post this. I know many of you have been anxiously and expectantly waiting. My apologies. I hope this post touches at least the tip of what I desire to convey about my first mission trip.

Of course, if I go into every single detail of each of the 14 days, this post will probably go on forever and you would get bored of reading. I haven’t really thought of a good way to deliver most of my experiences either. There was so much that happened. Even now, I’m not entirely sure of how to organize this post. So again, my apologies if it seems a bit unorganized. For now, I will try hit some high notes and break down specific stories in future posts.

So taking a journal with me was a great idea. Starting on the plane taxing out of Amsterdam, it was soon evident to every team member that I was a bit of a journalizer. I stole time out of nearly every day to jot down sensations and personal observations. Our last night together as a team, we shared what we learned and appreciated from each other. No surprise, my journaling was mentioned. One teammate said he really appreciated how I took the time to write my “memoirs,” as he called it, and how I took that quite personal time seriously. The one thing I learned in Uganda about myself is that I really am an introvert when it comes to social gatherings. I knew at home I would steal away to my room after a period of being with my entire  family during holidays or birthdays but I always thought that was because I was bored or thought to do something in my room, not because I was in sensory overload and required some downtime. I was craving the same social downtime on this trip. I was perfectly fine to slip away to my room at the guest house or sit out on the enclosed porch by myself after a long day at the clinic while everyone else was gathered in the main living room singing praise songs with Derek on a borrowed guitar.  

As expected, I was completely out of contact with my normal day-to-day here in the states starting when I turned my phone off at the overhead announcement while taxing on the Detroit runway and not turning it back on till 16 days later when the same announcement was made that we may use our phones. But that didn’t stop my head from traveling the 7,497 miles back home whenever it wanted. And it mostly traveled to Rick. Perhaps the biggest life-changing realization I came to was the blessing I have in him. Being a young white girl in Uganda, you are automatically a target for matrimonial bliss. I had the pleasure of deflecting a couple of offers, as one stranger pleaded with Inell between Katie and myself, “Please, just give me one of them!” My automatic answer to these subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle probes into my personal life was, “Soon, next year.” In the car ride home I informed Richard light-heartedly that every eligible Ugandan bachelor expects I’ll be married by next year.

But since coming home, Rick and I crossed that threshold of casually talking about the possibility to seriously talking about the probability of permanently walking one life together. Those closest around us have seen differences in our personalities and have openly expressed our compatibility. Rick and I are similar in the sense that we both have emerged from recent incompatible relationships and both our families have seen us at that worst. I can only imagine what the difference looks like from the outside and I can only tell you what a difference it feels from the inside: to be loved and treasured and valued the way Christ loves, treasures, and values his church. Coming home from Uganda really catapulted this topic into our discussions and it’s something that we are both pursuing and have been pursing for some time. It’s now whether or not our paths are align and this is something we may pursue together with God.

On this side of the trip, I don’t feel I was ill-prepared at all. There was no moment when I was so far uncomfortable that I said to myself, “I’m not prepared for this!” I do feel that in coming home, I have a greater desire to seek God in my daily walk, to be a light to those around me, and to seek God with a more earnest passion alongside Richard. During a small woman’s sunday school class, a lady shared a moment she had with a close friend of her’s that came to Christ as a result of a bible study she attended. Afterwards, this woman came back to her friend and asked, “You knew of salvation and you knew that I didn’t. Were you going to love me all the way to hell?” I immediately was struck with all the people I love that don’t know. Am I loving them and sending them to an eternity in hell? Then I saw all the people I encounter daily. Those I work with, those I’m aquatinted with that may not know. Am I loving all these people to hell? Is my daily walk a light pointed to Him? Only the third day into the mission trip and God had delivered His “ah-ha!” moment that I suspect will forever shake and nudge me out of my “private relationship” with Him. 

So those are some of the big things that I took away from Uganda. There are many more brushstrokes that paint the entire picture. I’ll write about everything else at a later time. Like the boda boda ride I took up a mountain, the elephant that crossed the road, that time I swam in the Nile, and the dinner where I ate fish. Yes, I ate fish. Believe it.

1 Day

Everybody remembers their firsts. First day of high school, first love, first job.
For me, this is a big first.

I have a countdown on my phone. Today it says, "1 day." We leave tomorrow and I have a looong list with "to-do" at the top that must be attacked by the end of the day. Little errands, final things to collect for my carry-on, chores I want done before I'm gone. The gravity of the trip, the length of it, hits me every now and then. As Rick said, "I can't believe you're going to be on the other side of the world!" I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm anxious, I don't think I was any of these things before my move to Georgia as much as I am on the eve of a two week mission trip. I feel like a lot of my excitement is overshadowing most of my anxieties. Probably to my advantage on this front is the fact that I've never flown overseas and you I can't anticipate what I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I will entirely be out of contact with my parents, my boyfriend, my family, my dog...don't get me started on how much I'm going to miss Tybee. I swear, I'm going to miss him and worry about him more than anything or anyone over the course of the next 16 days. Yes, even more than Richard. But I think that's part of the blessing and the purpose of the mission trip, to be entirely out of contact with your day-to-day. To focus 100% on why you are where you are, doing the work that you're doing, and experiencing those experiences.

In my nature for writing, I'm taking a (mostly) empty journal to log this first-time experience. I've written a couple entries already over the course of the summer. My last one was right after our final meeting in early August. I wrote about how I feel a little bit unprepared for this experience. I've always been a personal person, some may call it loner or introvert. Some of you may disagree, but I do feel when it comes to my faith and my personal relationship with God, I tend to keep it private. I write about it on here and I may talk here and there, but I don't express it on a personal, face-to-face level with just anyone. I keep it at that: personal. But that's the issue. I should be sharing it. I need to share it. I'm commanded to share it. This trip, I'm sure, God is mixing up points that will force me to be expressional with how Him and I are, what we've talked about, what we've wrestled with, what we've walked through together, and what he's had to carry me through. A part of me is dreading it. But a small part of me is very much looking forward to it because I know it will be so amazing.

As with each mission trip launched from the church, we were commissioned this past Sunday at the end of service. It was so nice to have my entire family in attendance for the 3.2 minutes I stood on the sanctuary stage with my teammates as the entirety of the congregation prayed over our departure, safety, and health. I know God has great things planned through us.

Thanks to all my supporters and with my wonderful parents and my aunt and uncle, I'm so happy to say that my funding for the trip has been covered 100%. Many of the connections I reached out to gave generously (more than I ever expected) and some even gave twice when the need was expressed. I have even received from individuals that I didn't think to contact but who found out of my trip from word of mouth. I'm blown away every time I try to comprehend the amount of support and the response I received. Thank you! An offering is collected at the end of the trip from the team members and given to the church we will be working in to help them fund medical supplies and medication throughout the year as well as financially help members of their congregation. Since my tips and paychecks from working at the restaurant are not needed for the cost of the trip, I will be donating my earnings to this fund.

So I go for Him, I go because of Him, I go to work for Him, I go in a response of gratitude to Him. He's given me this desire to serve people, to care for people, and to serve Him. For the purpose of the Kingdom and to bring honor and glory to His name.

"Nor do we boast and claim credit for the work someone else has done. Instead, we hope that your faith will grow so that the boundaries of our work among you will be extended. Then we will be able to go and preach the Good News in other places far beyond you, where no one else is working. Then there will be no question of our boasting about work being done in someone else's territory. As the Scriptures say, "If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord."
2 Corinthians 10:15-17

The Other Side of the Bed

They say, as nurses, you always want to be on our side of bed. That in comparison, giving the care is way easier than receiving the care. After being in the field for some time now, I've wonder if this saying held as much weight as it's been said to have. Yesterday I had the pleasure of getting a little taste of the truth.

It started on Tuesday while I was on my morning walk with Tybee. I was still in my scrubs, after finishing a shift. We were about a block and a half away from home when the concerning pains began just to the left side of my mid chest. I felt dizzy and weak and recognized the weight of my phone in my right tunic pocket in case my legs gave out on me. I managed home and upstairs where I plead my symptoms to a still groggy mom (another perk of moving back home: in-house consultations). She took my blood pressure with her home device and it was a little low for me. I showered, ate, felt a little better after sitting on the couch for a bit, went to bed at 11am and slept gloriously till about 8pm. The pain came and went the couple of hours I was awake that evening but for the most part, I ignored them.

Yesterday was worse. I took Tybee to his hair appointment early in the morning, I ran some errands, and then I went to the restaurant for a couple of hours to cover while dad was out. Thats when it got concerning. It was just a constant dull pain all morning but the intensity increased as I got involved in the work. The spinning and lifting and side-stepping that's involved with quick-service made me feel dizzy, light-headed, and off-balance. I eventually just stopped and sat on the prep table in the back of the building next to the screen door and waited for mom to come back. I felt short of breath and could feel my heart race as if I had just got done with a major workout at the gym when all I did was make a couple of milkshakes. Mom finally returned and sent me home to "rest and cool-off." I showered, had a yogurt  laid on the couch, but still the pain was constant, dull, like someone had a grip on my heart that I could feel and they were occasionally giving it a tight squeeze. A few hours later mom came home and we assessed and reassessed the situation. Our options were many: We could go to the general clinic but I was afraid they would say, "You're 26 and having chest pain? What the hell are you doing here? Pay us $100 to see you and go to ER." We could go to the Beaumont after-hours clinic. But I was afraid they would say, "You're 26 and having chest pain? Why didn't you just go to the ER? It's right next door. Give us your co-pay and go there." And the obvious, ER. But I was afraid they would say, "Your EKG is normal, there is nothing wrong with you. Give us your money, go home and relax." None of the above looked appealing. All I wanted to do was hook myself up to a cardiac monitor, see what my MAP was, and if I was throwing PVC's in my heart rhythm. Nurses really do make the worst patients. As mom said, we never seek the help for ourselves but we are so quick to criticize someone else for not seeking attention sooner.

So when we analyzed the pain, duration, and intensity, and realized that it has gotten slightly worse then yesterday, mom finally said, "Go get ready, I'll take you in." The escort at the door asked if I needed a wheelchair. Not ready to give up my independence yet, I said, "No, I can walk." He probably doesn't see that very often. I wonder if I was the most calm person to come in complaining of chest pain that registration has seen. As soon as they snapped that ID band on, I was forced into a wheelchair and pushed about 30 feet to a stretcher. Really...I could have walked. I already knew the itinerary: Stat EKG, vitals, basic history. I watched as the tech placed the familiar stickers on my legs, arm, and chest and was ready to catch a glimpse at the print off: "normal sinus rhythm, normal EKG." I knew it, there's nothing wrong with me. But I was still having the pains. After just a few minutes, another tech came in and wheeled me down a long corridor, I swear, to the very end of the department, to the very last room and backed me into a private room that must have been a closet before. I was handed a gown, told to take my bra off and once I was changed, I was connected to a bedside monitor, and vitals taken again. Finally, I could analyze my rhythm. Perfectly normal. My MAP was 79, I was perfusing. By this time, most of the intensity was gone. It was still there a little but not as bad a couple of hours ago in my living room. A nurse came in with a computer and started to ask the same questions I ask my new patients, "What's your pain on a scale of 1-10, can you describe it to me, any past medical history, any cardiac history, any surgeries, do you feel safe at home, any thoughts of hurting yourself or others...?" By this time she had written me off as "not cardiac," as she said I was having the pains for greater than a day, activity makes it worse, and the fact that I'm 26 were, according to her, indicating that it was more than likely not cardiac related. Mom was quick to tell her that my older brother had a coronary when he was 20 and it took them 3 days before they decided to bring him in so she wasn't reassuring her whatsoever. As soon as she left, mom said, "She's wrong, activity does make chest pain worse." and I agree, that's what a coronary is, increased oxygen demand on the heart from increased activity. Nurses...we think we know everything.

Thumbs up waiting for Xray

A resident came in a few minutes later to assess me, ask me about the pain, read my vitals, etc. I mentioned how I had recently had all the vaccines for my overseas trip next month and asked if any of that could possibly be contributing. (I was told I have a murmur a few years ago and I thought about the possibility of vegetation growth since they were live vaccines. Sometimes medical knowledge can be a curse). She brushed that possibility off. Shortly after her came her attending. At the same time, a tech was preparing to "work me up" as she called it--get my labs and start an IV. She was a talker...entertaining but awkward. As the attending was ready to leave, he told her, "no labs, we're just going to get a chest xray." As the tech asked, "Really?" He said with a smile, "Sometimes less is more." Mom and I were then left with Shirley the tech for about 15 minutes as she talked about how she had a ruptured appendix in Florida and she was taking Motrin for it thinking it was nothing which led to a red eye back to Beaumont and 15 days hospitalized  Then she was all into my trip to Uganda and what it was going to be like. She liked to talk.

She finally left and we were just waiting for xray to come and get me. It was another trip down a long slim hallway (really, they couldn't have made them any wider knowing they were constructing an ER?) to a small, familiar room. "Take a deep breath and hold it." Then it was back to my little private room. Mom and I didn't even have the pleasure of people watching or eavesdropping.  We really were secluded in this little room. About 30 minutes later, the resident returned and said my chest xray was completely normal, the chest pain is probably musculoskeletal, and I should go home, rest, and take some Motrin for pain.

After a couple of signatures, I was handed my discharge papers and was free to get dressed and go home. My co-pay was less than I was afraid of and in the end, I was glad I went to have it checked out. Even though it was essentially nothing. My chest pain was pretty much gone as I walked with mom to the car. When I returned home, I suddenly felt exhausted and quickly passed out. This morning, I don't have any chest pain. Funny I was right when I thought option C and they would say, "There's nothing wrong with you, go home and relax."

So I would have to agree that the saying is true. It is better to be on my side of the bed providing the care than being the specimen in the bed. It was super awkward sitting in the stretcher being pushed through long skinny hallways feeling like you were in the way while some complete stranger pushes behind you. It was awkward only having this thin ugly gown on to cover you as strangers in hallways watched as you wheeled passed them. I was glad to put my clothes on and walk out the same way I walked in. I was very thankful. Besides, I just had an ER visit and I escaped with no pokes, no labs, no IV, and no GI cocktail. All in all, it was a successful night.

Busy Weekends

I got my shots yesterday! I had my appointment at the travel clinic to review my itinerary, immunizations, get antibiotic prescriptions, and...get shots! I give shots all the time at work and I know they're not all that bad but I still couldn't help the little butterflies knowing that time was drawing near. The nurse finally walked in with the prepared syringes and said, "Ok, I have three shots and you have two arms so which one is getting two?" Remembering when I had my last tetnus shot it ended up in my left arm and being a left side sleeper it was an uncomfortable week of sleep, so I already had my answer prepared: my right arm got two. Hepatitis A went in my left arm first, then meningococcus in my right. The last one was yellow fever and she warned me, "this one is only sub-q but I've gotta tell ya, it burns as it goes in so don't pull away from me." Fabulous. "Here we go..." she said. Oh, that's not so ba...ohhh....OHHH...YEA! She was right. As I walked out of the office, I kept reassessing my arm to make sure I wasn't paralyzed  Weirest feeling ever. This morning...both  my arms are sore and I woke up uncomfortable to lay on either side. NSAIDS, here I come!


July already! June was a busy month to say the least! Yea, I only work three nights a week but when you have to work every other weekend those nights end up clumped together in threes and fours in a row with only one or two nights off in-between. Those days demand half of that time off to sleep. I never did like 12 hour shifts...So working at the dub has kind of been put on hold in the last month. I did work a couple of hours yesterday, it would have been a full shift but I had the travel clinic appointment in the middle of the day. But in spite of it all, the funding has slowly but faithfully been coming together. I've received donations from individuals I didn't even think to reach out to. I love how God works in these ways. 58 days to take-off!

I was able to make a few weekend swaps at work and had the past two off. Boy were they both busy! The first weekend, Ryan, Kaitlyn, Rick, and myself took Meg and Ben to Castaway Bay and Cedar Point. The kids loved the waterpark. It was such a joy to see them light up and have a ball on the water slides and in the wave pool. Cedar Point was a blast too. We didn't go on the new ride, we didn't get in line for Millenium Force, Maverick wasn't working, we didn't make it on any of the big name rides but it was probably the most fun I ever had on a trip to the amusment park. Just being able to see it all new from the kids' perspectives. Ben was just tall enough to make it on most of the rollercoasters. We hit Mean Streak first. Megan may have been slightly traumatized...

We somehow got her on Gemini, Corkscrew, Iron Dragon, and even Magnum (which I think ended up being her favorite ride). We were sitting at lunch at Chick-fil-A, maybe 2 hours into our time in the park and the kids were asking if we could come back again next summer.

This past weekend I spent in Howell and Fenton with Rick's family enjoying a visit with his brother from Wisconsin and hitting up the Howell Balloon Festival. The Balloon Fest was kind of a disappointment. They only had one balloon launch and cancelled most everything else due to wind conditions. But Tybee got a new leash and fetching stick from the art fair. Speaking of Tybee, he was such a good boy on this weekend adventure! Saturday we had him at Rick's parent's house in Howell and when we opened up the pool house, none of us were thinking of what would happen. The pool was still covered and never being around a pool before, my curious little puppy took a couple of sniffs before we found him walking on the surface of water! Tybee took a step out into the pool and realized that it wasn't solid ground he was walking on. Acting fast he made his way quick as he could to the deep end of the pool where Rick's mom was waiting to pull him off of the pool cover surface. In hindsight, I'm very lucky my pup acted so quickly to get off the pool cover. Otherwise, he might have sunk and buried himself beneath the surface. He wasn't quite sure of the pool after that and he certainly didn't like his momma swimming in it!

Sunday we got to take him out on the boat and make some use of his spiffy life vest. He didn't mind the shade underneath the dashboard either. He may be a "water dog" by breed, but Tybee certainly isn't fond of any kind of body of water.

hanging out under the dashboard

 It's been a busy fun-filled summer so far! But I'm afraid July will not be as eventful as June has been. Lots of weekends at the hospital to cover my time off and preparing for the trip. Everything feels like it's coming together. Next is obtaining my Visa which I'm planning to do in the next week or two. I almost can't believe departure day is next month!

I hope everyone has a fabulous 4th of July holiday. I will be sleeping. :)

Weekend Adventure

So if you follow me on facebook, you might have noticed a weekend adventure I recently took with Tybee. My new beau, Rick, lives on a lake in Fenton and his parents invited me out for a ride on their boat when the weather broke. The first nice-weather weekend off, I jumped at the opportunity but after working 3 nights in a row, I didn't want to leave Tybee again for another whole day. So I took the little goober with me.


There were a lot of "firsts" for Tybee on this weekend. First ride in the back of a Mustang, first road trip, first time visiting someone else's house, first time on a lake, first time on a boat, and first time sleeping with someone other than momma (it is confirmed, he will cuddle with anybody!)




I wasn't sure how he would do meeting and staying with Rick's parents. Overall, Tybee is a very good boy but his excitement at times can make him a bit overwhelming. He warmed up quickly though and behaved himself very well. After a quick lunch, we headed out on the boat. Tybee is a natural sailor! Well, he had a few moments of whining but he loved feeling the wind in his face. Unlike hanging out the car window, the speed boat provided a full body experience!

Like with any new and exciting adventure, it wouldn't be without its mishaps. The first one happend just after dinner as we were sitting on the deck. I had Tybee on his leash looped around my chair leg. He was being good and quite laying down behind me. As we were talking I could make out the familiar "munching" sounds of his jaw. That's when I realized that he didn't have any of his toys outside with us and quickly deduced he was probably chewing on an unknown object. I jet around to find him munching a hole into the deck!

That would be my dog...

That night, Tybee went to bed with Rick while I camped out on the couch. Only a handful of times has Tybee slept with me, he usually is in the crate at night. But when he does, he has to sleep right next to me. Apparently Tybee is non-partial as Rick reported the next morning he has a new cuddle buddy. That was when the second mishap happened...Tybee poo'ed in the kitchen. I was so proud of how well he was doing and then that had to happen. He hadn't poo'ed in the house in over 3 months. Thank goodness it was on the kitchen tile and not the carpet!

Overall, it was a successful sleepover and I think the parents approve also. Who couldn't love my lovable Tybee?? The next day Aunt Tracy invited Tybee over for a playdate with cousin Ernie. The first playdate was kinda a bust as Ernie ignored Tybee and Tybee followed me around the yard like a baby duck attached to its momma. But this time, after some encouragement, all of a sudden it seemed like a switch was flipped and we found the two boys rolling in the grass together like best of buds!

They were so cute! More playdates to come! Overall, it was a very nice weekend. And few days ago I found and purchased a bright orange doggie life-jacket. Looking forward to more boat dates this summer!

A quick Uganda update: My passport finally came, I got the paperwork into the church to petition for a nursing endorsement from the country of Uganda, and I've received well over enough to cover my first quarter payment. With donations, tips, and wages together, I have just over $1,600 of the $2,800. I'm overwhelmed by how quickly the funds are coming together and I'm thankful I haven't had to spend anytime focused on it. The next team meeting is the end of the month. By the first week of July I will be making an appointment at the travel clinic for all the shots and medications needed and applying for my Visa to enter the country. Thank you for all the prayers and support so far! 87 days to take-off!

Summer Plans

So I sorta eluded to this in an earlier post, this summer I'm traveling with a team from my church to Kampala, Uganda in Africa on a short term mission trip. The team is comprised of mostly medical professionals and we'll be volunteering during the Kampala Baptist Church's annual week-long medical clinic. The more I think about this opportunity, the more excited I'm getting. Since nursing school, I've always wanted to do a medical mission trip, to use my profession and do an outreach for the Kingdom of God. He gave me this desire to do nursing and I truly love what I do. And in a response of gratitude  I have an even greater desire to use my skills to be his hands and feet.

We've had our first team meeting the end of April and it was the first chance I got to see the faces of my team members and learn a little bit more about our objectives and what we'll be doing the 2 weeks in Uganda. Initially when we get there they hope to have the first day just to "orientate" us to the country, the culture, and the jet lag (Uganda is 7 hours ahead of us!). Then Sunday we'll attend the morning church service at KBC before spending the rest of the day setting up the facility to receive the locals that will be coming in for medical attention throughout the week. Last year, they said that this free medical clinic saw and treated just under 3,000 locals in 5 days. That's a lot!! So far, there are 3 nurses on the team, myself included. If any of ya'll are nurses and wanna come, let me know! :)

After we've completed the medical camp during the first week, we'll travel to the west side of the country to the city of Kasese for the second week. As our pastor put it, the people of Uganda have this sense that American Christians are like, on this side of heaven, not necessarily a "holier-than-thou" complex but that we are like, very close to being "perfect Christians" which is absolutely not the case. It's very encouraging to the Ugandans to hear us give our testimonies and talk about our walks and struggles and for them to realize that we are no greater or smarter or stronger with our faith than they are. We'll spend a couple of days visiting sister churches and then work a one day clinical camp at a local bible college.

The purpose of our mission trip is to serve, so we serve first. Then, our last 3 days we'll have a little fun. The plan is spend one day in Queen Elizabeth Game Park which is what I believe to be similar to like a Yellowstone National Park here. Except with elephants and hippos and zebras. The next day we'll travel back to Kampala (about a 7 hour very scenic drive), and then the last day (hopefully!) we'll get to go rafting on the Nile before getting cleaned up for our overnight flight back to the states.

My initial hesitation with applying for this trip was not the huge bugs my mom loves to warn me about or the heat or the location of where we're going. Not even the total cost of the trip. It was the fund-raising. I hate soliciting for money. Even as a kid, I hated the door-to-door business. I would have made a horrible girl scout. But during our meeting and after looking through some of the material, they encouraged us to be up front about this particular need. So, here it goes: the total cost of the trip is $2,800. In addition there is the cost of obtaining a passport ($190) and a trip to the travel clinic (approximately $200) to get all the necessary shots and prophylactic antibiotics. As advised, I've mailed out announcements of my trip including our objectives, prayer requests, and details of how, if felt led, to contribute towards the total cost of the trip. I've decided that the extra hours I work at A&W this summer, the tips I earn since I refuse to take a paycheck from dad, will go directly to my "Uganda Fund." My mom is also putting her window tips into my fund as well. Since the first meeting, I have made about $300. Our first payment, $700 (25%), is due May 31st.

More importantly than the money is the prayer necessary in these months preparing for the trip and the two weeks while we are there. As the trip draws closer, specific prayers will surface but for now, prayers are needed for the individuals in Uganda that we will be serving, team unity as we get to know each other, that all the necessary preparations will fall into place (passports, vaccines, professional endorsements, etc), and for me as I personally prepare for this experience.

So occasional posts this summer will be dedicated to updating progress towards the trip. If you would like to have updates/newsletters/prayer requests mailed to you, please let me know and I will be happy to forward you one of the forms below. I would love to keep you in the loop and feel a big support group cover this mission trip in prayer! I cannot wait for this summer and to watch God's hand work through this.

A Very Lemon-y Birthday

For the first time in at least 5 years, I had my birthday off from work. It was amazing. I never was the type of girl that HAD to have the day off simply because it was my birthday. Life goes on, the entire world does not cease to rotate and there are approximately 19 million other people with the same birthday as me. ...yes, I did just google that fact. I started my birthday pretty early in comparison to my usual day. But this morning I was a woman on a mission: lemon crepes! Yes, they were a pinspiration and they turned out fabulously! Mom was even impressed as she disclosed her doubtfulness when I initially showed her the recipe the night before. As she says, "crepes are hard, especially with my crappy cookware." I had so many perfectly cooked crepes that I even had to call in reinforcements to help us eat: Jenny was happy to oblige and equally impressed as she arrived in time to watch me sprinkle powdered sugar over her plate using a loose leaf tea infuser. Culinary artist I am!

Here is the yummy crepe recipe: http://www.yummymummykitchen.com/2013/03/easy-lemon-crepes-with-blueberry-sauce.html#more

Dropping mom off at work, I asked her if she wanted me to do anything around the house since my day was pretty much open until late afternoon. She said, "It's your birthday, lay out in the sun." Not being much of a sun worshiper, I actually considered that option. After a long walk with Tybee and a trip to the gym, did just that, laid out. It was fabulous. Might do it again...

Since mom was working, I offered to cook dinner. Being the "pin addict" that I am, naturally dinner was another pinspiration chicken creation. Hummus crusted chicken with yellow squash, zuchinni, and lemons with angel hair pasta tossed with garlic, olive oil, and breadcrumbs. It was so good! Even dad ate it.

And here is the hummus crusted chicken recipe: http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/hummus-crusted-chicken/


Since I've been absent for the past two years, I think mom was more than eager to make me a birthday cake. This year it was lemon cake. If you haven't noticed yet, it was a very lemon-y day! Mom even had little yellow ducks to decorate the cake with. She's had them stashed for 3 years...
The cake was so good it had the non-cake-eaters getting a second helping.

Rick seems really excited to dig into that cake!

 Tybee is always looking for someone willing to share

Larr-dogg enjoying the non-traditional flavor!

Lots of Starbucks gift cards were received (just what I wanted!) and even Tybee was in on the gift-giving action as he presented his momma with a signed card and licked envelope. He gave me a big 'o bag of gummy bears (that he promptly started to share with me) and a little ice cube tray since he loves to eat ice cubes.

I'm reading Tybee's card

Showing off his handywork

 So my 20's are officially half over with and of course I have much to be thankful for. A big one being that I'm back home with my family, and as the influx of cards have stated, everyone is happy I'm back home too. Looking forward to all that's in store in my years to come!

Obligatory photo drop, as mom says, "you post all of the embarrassing ones you take of your father and me on facebook, you have to put that one up of you!" So, enjoy...