I think packing has become something I’m avoiding. The pile of
tomato boxes in the corner was created the day I arrived back from my
“sabbatical” as I’ve been calling it, and hasn’t been touched since. And I seem
to keep buying food as if I can freeze it forever. I guess that once I begin
packing, that’s it; my little world here is officially over. Even though it was
over months ago but the action of packing it all up marks it into reality. It’s
not like I haven't done this thing before. But I was in love that time. And
love can make anything look hopeful and bright. Perhaps that’s the rub.
In continuing to mark my move into the emanate future, I just finished my second to last scheduled week “on” at SGMC. Only one more week left…14 days and I turn my badge in. I will miss my job here very much. For lack of a better term, it’s going to suck walking away from what I feel like has been the best arrangement: A manager that is so approachable it’s ridiculous, 7 on/7 off scheduling, which really is not as bad as it sounds especially when you work nights, a wonderful charge nurse who has shaped me in ways she probably will never know, and coworkers who have become friends which for me, takes a while to break that wall down. It feels like just as soon as I settled into a comfortable position, I’m uprooting it all to start over as the “new girl” again. Funny thing is, it’s been mentioned before how completely opposite I am now from when I first started on the floor. I was quite, kept to myself, and did my work. No one really knew what to do with me. Until I was comfortable with the environment and the people did I come out of my shell. And probably a good dose of irritation with the ER helped move things along also. Now my loud mouth can be heard from all angles of the hallway.
Just in the past few months I’ve seen myself grow in my career and have found that I’ve been labeled by my peers as one of the “good ones.” As I was walking into work last Friday for a 3-11 shift (a shift I avoid as much as I do days) the thought crossed my mind, “oh lord, watch I get up there and they pull me to 4 west to charge. Wouldn’t that suck?” I must have jinxed myself because when I came out of the conference room to see my assignment there stood my manager, Ms Chrissi and the oncoming charge nurse making out the assignment. Ms. Chrissi looked at me apologetically and said, “Renay you’re being pulled to 4 west to charge. They requested you because they said you charge so well.” Its not the first time they’ve told me I do a good job of it but it always stops me a moment to process the statement. I just do what I see my own charge nurse do, Ms. Kay, and also probably a good part of it from working at the dub for so many years. A few nights later in report an older nurse asked me what a syndrome was that a patient had. When I said I didn’t know she jokingly said, “You’re suppose to know everything! You have that aura about you!” Even the brand new nurses that staff 4 west and don’t know me that well remark on how much they enjoy working under me as their charge nurse. I can only have faith that I will carry this character and confidence into my new job. Unlike when I started 18 months ago and had been out of a hospital setting for nearly a year, I know how to do an assessment, I know how to prime a piggyback, and I’m becoming pretty kick-ass at starting IV’s. So it should just be down to learning the unit floor plan, the computer charting process, people’s names, and doctor’s temperaments, right? But I can’t help thinking the “what-if’s” and the “will I be accepted by my new co-workers?” This must sound so much like switching schools as a teenager.
Last night I was asked, “Are you excited to leave?” I
automatically replied, “Yea.” I can’t tell yet if that was a lie or the truth.
18 days to move out day…I'll start packing tomorrow...maybe Wednesday...
